Don't Be Conned On Dating Sites

This is mostly of concern to people who are interacting with women from Russia, although many former eastern bloc European countries also fall into this category. Many of these situations apply to 'pen pal' type activities over snail-mail, but they still apply to the Internet.

Be very careful when seeking women or men for relationships or marriage on dating sites hosted in other country's or who's clientele is mainly from a country different than your own. Especially if the ad says seeking men or women in other country's for love and possible marriage. “HELLO”, if that doesn’t say looking for a sucker nothing does. Its been proven time and time again that a lot of these people use dating sites to get out of there native country, or as a vehicle to get into yours, because they would not normally qualify. For some reason or another they can't do it on their own and that's where you come in. I can't count all the stories I've heard or read of people who met someone online from another country brought them over, got them green cards or whatever they needed to stay in the country, then once they were there for enough time that they no longer had to fear being sent back, they were gone. Often leaving the original sponsoring person with a broken heart, big alimony payments and in some cases child support payments. In the mean time their former spouses were busily sponsoring  their real lover from their own country.

One example of this is a man I know who immigrated to Jamaica. He had opened a store there and was making a life for himself. He hired an single woman to work in his store who happened to have several children. After dating and marrying her she began to pester him about going back to his country and how it would be a better place for the kids to grow up. Do you smell a con job? I do. Instead of standing his ground and staying put he applied to take them back home to live, once there she became pregnant, he got a job, was buying a home for them and paying for a vehicle. And after having two children with him on top of the three she had originally she threw him out. She got the house, car and all the furniture on top of that he had to pay alimony and child support for five children, the last time I saw him he was actually riding a bike, living in housing and had lost his job because of his lack of focus brought on by the separation. A high price to pay wouldn't you say.

Another example is a women I'll call Betty who met a man from Europe, brought him over, and married him. After a while she began to notice that her bank account was being drained. Well it turned out he was dipping into it and sending the money back home to his parents. Soon after that he started demanding that she dress like people from his country and only associate with the same. He got her to sponsor his family into the country. It was at this point that she realized that she had been taken and quickly pulled her sponsorship of him, filed for an annulment, and had him deported.

I'm not saying everyone out there are set to use you, but many are, otherwise they would be looking for someone in their own country instead of yours. I mean I know a guy who had a women contact him on face book and tell him she was in love with him. How could she be in love with him when all she did was look at his photo.  One favourite con  is to tell you early on that they are in love with you, like those are magic words or something. Its impossible for anyone to fall in love that fast with someone they have never met in person. They cannot know enough about you! That is your  cue  to block them and stop all co North America is one of the most  beautiful places on earth and we have lots of good looking men and women looking for someone like you. There’s no need to look any further then you own back yard for someone special to share your life with. Just put yourself out there and get noticed. At least you will know they are not after a green card or sponsorship. The truth is that some of these dating sites don't care if you get conned as long as they make money. There are lots of dating and chat sites that you can join to meet men and women locally you don't need to get involved with over-seas sites.


The following are specific examples that have been cited in other publications:

She tells you she can come on a student visa. She does not want you to visit her in her home country and insists on visiting you instead. She asks for money to buy an airline ticket.
Although your lady friend might have some legitimate reasons not to invite you to her home-country  it should still raise a red flag for you. Do not send her any money, offer to buy her a ticket instead. Make sure you get a refundable ticket. Even if she writes to you that an airline ticket would cost two or three times less in her country (which is questionable), do not send her the money! Buy the ticket yourself!

She tells you she can come on a student visa You are inviting a lady friend to visit you in your home country, and she tells you that she needs money to get an exit visa to leave Russia.
This is a classic scam that is usually packaged up with the “I need you to send me money for the airplane ticket scam. Most countries do not charge for an exit visa, certainly that is not the case in European countries (even Russians do not need any exit visas to leave Russia anymore). 
She tells you she can come on a student visa.
It may be entirely true, but first get more info on her visa and school and ensure the the school knows about her, and that your government actually has a record of such a visa.
She tells you she can come on a fiancee visa and that she can obtain that visa.
She cannot file for a fiancee visa if the two of you have never met before. One of the requirements for the fiancee visa is a personal meeting within the last two years. And YOU will have to file lots of paperwork before she can even fill out her application.
She claims that she can come because she has a work or business visa.
This could be valid even if it is improbable. More likely is that they will try for a work visa first and then apply for a fiancee visa when they get here because that method gets them here sooner, and the fiancee visa is a longer term approval, but more permanent status. In any event, do not send money. Buy any tickets required, including the payment of any visa fees yourself.
She still has ads up after you agree to sponsor her.
This could be just sloppiness on her part by not taking down her old ads after you start your arrangement. Set up some new free email accounts and try contacting her on these other sites to see if she is still trolling.
She wants you to pay for here Internet connection because it is too expensive.
Using an Internet Cafe might be a very big expense for her. The average salary in Russia is only about $200.00 a month or so. If this is one of the first things mentioned however, you should be thinking SCAM!|She may be telling the truth. People in Russia seldom earn more than $300.00 a month. If it is the first thing asked for, then your scam-alert bells should be ringing|Even though it may be true because people in Russia do not earn that much money, if it happens early in your communications with her, then it is likely a scam.
She seldom if ever uses your real name in conversation. It is always dear, or honey, or their Russian equivalent.
There is a strong possibility it is a scam because she could just be sending out a form letter to 20 other guys saying the same things. If there are specific answers to specific questions that you have asked in your previous communications, then it could be legit.
She expresses love for you before you are hardly through your first few emails.
SCAM Alert!! This is almost surely a scam
You are a lot older than her and have had little luck attracting women of her age, but still she says she has strong feelings for you.
This could be true, because culturally it is more acceptable in Russia for older men to have younger wives, and women will usually target older men for marriage. This could also be scam, so coupled with other things this could be the nail on the coffin for your relationship with her.
She makes you aware of her need for money with every communication without ever actually asking for any from you.
She may be trying to get you to offer money to her as a subtle scam, or she may just really be poor. So test her attachment to you by mentioning that you do not have that much money yourself.  You make just enough to get by. If she still continues communicating with you, then she is likely honest. If she stops, she is either a scammer or else a gold digger. Either way, you are better off without her
Most of her letters pretty much say the same things over and over using the same words and phrases.
Very likely this is a copy and paste scammer. They have a lot of pre-written letters and literally cut and paste stuff from them into the current letter. They often lose track of what they have already sent you. Try writing her using an post office box under a different name and see if she sends the same stuff
She cannot give you a phone number because she does not have a phone.
There is a strong chance that this is true because many homes in Russia do not have phones at all.


Useful Links and Trusted marriage agencies:
Russia: Internet Dating Schemes US Department of State

Better yet, seek your future wife in North America:
Here is a great place to find the best dating sites on the Internet.
 http://www.top100datingpersonals.com/top10datingpersonals.php

Dating Online

There are thousands of dating sites on the Internet, ranging from excellent to scams. Most are just small operations trying to make a buck off of lonely people, and they have just too few clients to ever successfully match you with anybody. Many dating sites are not free, and some that pretend to be free are only free for some minimal functionality.

Most sites will let you view other profiles, but you will have to pay to interact with other members. But even if you do end up paying to contact someone, who ends up being the love of your life, that would likely be a pretty good deal. In any event, the link below will take you to a location with listing of the best online dating sites on the internet.

Dating Sites

Understanding Sex Appeal

What is the je ne sais quas of sex appeal? The dictionary describes it as”the ability to excite people sexually”, but dictionaries also describe sexy as being”attractive in a sexual way.” You may think that they are the same, but in fact they are not. Lets examine this further.

If a man sees  a cute woman walking down the street wearing a mini skirt, and low cut top for visual impact.  He may trip over his tongue because she looks sexy, but would he take the time for a second look? While sexy and sex appeal are often blurry at the boundaries it is quite common to see someone as described above. So what do you have to do to get a more appreciative  look?

Men tend to focus on what is currently in front of their eyes, and there will always be another sexy girl around the corner. Sexy for the most part will always get attention,but unlike sex appeal they will likely forget what a merely sexy woman looks like within a few minutes. Sexy is eye candy first and foremost, and will seldom get beyond that.  Someone who dresses for  impact can be sexy, but it will seldom lead to someone thinking about you for hours, and that is the major differentiation. Sexy is the whipped cream without the pie.

Sex appeal sex appeal is more than just cute bod, it is more about having poise, and a magnetic charm that emits from a person with a strong self image. When anybody exhibits all these signals they exude an aura that demands recognition by others. This magnetic glow makes those people around you feel good too. A woman with sex appeal will make whatever she wears look great even if it is an old pair of jeans, and tee-shirt. She knows that it's the woman that makes the clothes not the other way around. She instinctively dresses in a style that will always add to and not detract from the image that she portrays to the public. Women with sex appeal are always intelligent individuals  with a sense of humour, and who are comfortable with their own sexuality. We've all been around an up-beat individual  who seems to smile all the time, and laughs a lot, even when things may be concerning for them. It lets people know that they're fun to be with, and this is another trait of sex appeal.

Sex appeal attracts, radiates and commands attention. Females with sex appeal appreciate you in spite of your faults, they  treat each relationship as a fresh new experience and do not expect people to behave like others, either positively or negatively. They compartmentalize their expectations of each acquaintance individually. Sex appeal looks for the good in people, and never hesitates to compliment. This appeal is the natural outcome of their loving and sensual nature as people.

Now do you see the differences? It all boils down to this simple observation-- if you have learned to love yourself, and others,  it will  emanate into sex appeal as, it is all about personal image, self development and stature. Guys will always respond to sexy—no doubt, but its the whole package that will get into his head, and past the eyes.




http://www.top100datingpersonals.com/advice_for_women.php

Dating Online Insights

Dating Online Survey Results:

The following summary from a study of 100 exurbanites details some insights gained as to how people seek out dates and potential life partners. Online Dating Services may not result in you winning your life partner, but it may be a needed break from all those phony sounding Match.com and e Harmony.com commercials on TV that try to convince you about how lonely you are during late night movies.

<bold>Resulting Dating Insights:</bold>

1)     It is not uncommon for members of the online dating community to be members on various sites at the same time. The attitude is that the more exposure you give yourself to other people, the more likely it is that you will find a match. Sort of like buying several lottery tickets instead of just one. These same people are likely to be dating several different people concurrently hoping to find the one who clicks. Playing the field is a defense mechanism in the online arena. Because of the anonymity of the sites, you cannot tap into you normal social networks to find out about the people you are talking to online, or dating in real life. There is a much higher chance of being taken in by a smooth talker. It is also easy to give your heart away to a loser. Keeping several people “in process” at the same time helps you from “settling” on any one of them prematurely. In conventional dating situations, other than blind dates, you have some concept of how a person interacts with others because you usually have a chance to observe them in action from afar. It is one of the reasons why blind dates get such a bad rap, because you do not know what to expect, nor can you prepare yourself. Online dating does allow some interaction, but meeting in person for the first time has more of the hallmarks of a blind date than it does in conventional dating.

2)     Online Dating is much more superficial – pictures and videos are everything – without them you get almost no action, or attention.  Ladies about having less than average looks. If you do a good job of portraying yourself in both words and pictures of someone who loves to have fun, you will get positive results.  This is a marketing exercise, not a life story exercise. If you are selling beauty products on television you do not explain each step of the research that lead to the product. Although you might mention the research, you tend to focus on the results, and the benefits. Market yourself in a positive and flattering manner. Whatever you do, do not post a picture of yourself that is taken with your web cam – the video quality sucks, and you can never show yourself in a socially fun situation with a web cam If you are a woman, just remember that men see and assume – most do not read much, they look and evaluate visually for the most part, so keep the words to a minimum. For men, you must read the words!! Women are strong communicators and they will say what they are looking for, and they will also say what they are definitely not looking for. Be honest about who or what you are, and do not annoy a women with attention of any sort if you are definitely on her “must not be” list.  In any event, for both men and women, keep the brief and factual (within limits of course – this is marketing after all). If you are lucky, you will find another with a complementary sense of fun and similar interests. Be prepared to use the email and chatting facilities of the online site to get to know people better. Do not try to give your life story in the profile.  Your profile is a 15 second ad spot, not an biography of your life.

3)     Men without jobs have little or no traction on dating sites that are focused on long-term relationships. In their heads, women are looking for winners, not losers. On the other hand, if you connect to a woman's soul, they will often overlook the fact that you are pick up trash for a living, as long as you are able to show her that you have solid future prospects.  By the way, keep information about your personal finances close. There are a lot of gold diggers out there!

4)     BBW women are as disadvantaged as they think they are. If a women is slightly overweight, or is of a set of proportions that the weight that they carry is evenly distributed, most men are okay with it. If you are not wider than you are tall, then likely you have a pretty good chance of finding someone. In any event, most women will post a profile of themselves at a younger and lighter age, and then proceed to lighten the age load a few years on top of that in their profile.  Men are generally more honest about their ages, but may actually be more inclined to lie about their income. You will find however, that men almost never tell the full truth about their body weight. Almost all men show themselves as athletic, or average, almost never as overweight in any manner.

5)     You must have contact with a person for love to develop. You cannot really be in love with someone that you have only talked to on a computer. You must meet in person for love to happen.  You either totally connect and love someone, or you do not. It is the many little interactions between two people that add up to someone falling in love. If you meet someone online, they will likely want to meet in person within two to four weeks. If you are too cautious, then the person will likely meet someone else in the meantime, and you will fail. Don't forget, if you are attracted to them, then others will be too, and since everyone on dating sites are trying to meet as many people as is reasonably possible, you are in a time limited competition to win their hearts.

6)     There is still some negative social pressure with regards to Internet dating, and it is usually from older people these days. The real problem with online personals sites is that they have had a reputation in the past for being the hangouts of losers and predators. Nothing is further from the truth. With this in the back of their minds, people sometimes avoid using dating sites so they will not be branded a loser, or looked at as a potential sexual predictor or something equally disgusting.  The fact is that over 60 million people in North America have used online dating sites in the last few years, and there are just not that many losers and predators in North America. Because of the anonymous nature of dating sites, you are more likely to be targeted by deviants on face book, where everyone can see your real name, than on a dating site, where nobody knows your real name or where you live. People are strangely closed mouthed about telling people that they met online, which leads many people who have never used a dating service to assume it is useless, or worse yet, just a scam. People will admit that they met in line getting an unemployment check, but they will not admit to meeting online for some reason.

7)    Online dating is amazing in it’s ability to connect people who would likely never have met in real life. The fact that everyone on the site is looking to meet someone for the purpose of dating, or establishing a long term relationship, it is incredibly easy to start up a conversation with someone that you have never met. You already have at least one subject in common – dating. Online dating is actually the best forum for people to meet when they are just too busy, too tied up, or just not inclined to be wandering around bar hopping or social clubs trying to meet people. Online dating is the wave of the present and future if you want to find successful and interesting people. Do not expect every match presented to be made in heaven. There will still be some off spec people in the barrel, so keep on trying.


If you are interested in online dating sites, then you might want to check out this resource page:

Online Dating