Friday, June 29, 2012

Sex and The Great Outdoors



Even if you are not an outdoorsy kind of person, if you are dating over the course of a summer, you are likely to find yourself and your date communing with good old mother nature at some point. Whether that means camping or staying at a cottage, there will be many romantic moments as you enjoy yourself out in 'the wilds'. The fresh air of the country coupled with long lazy days and stimulating sunsets are likely to put both of you in a sensual/sexual state of mind. The nights will also add their share of enjoyment as you sneak down to the water to skinny-dip under the full moon and the wash of stars in the milky-way. Likely all of these activities will result in 'sex in the wild'. There is however an element of health risk involved, so you should not just do the 'down and dirty' without being prepared. Big city living means that you do not have some of the natural resistance to bacteria that your cave dwelling ancestors did, so you must be more prepared than they were able to be.

Problem: Sex in the Dirt (and Not the Down and Dirty Type Dirt

Being outdoors exposes you to a lot of dirt and grim. It is just a natural outcome of being outdoors. It cannot be helped. Normal outdoor activities like starting a fire, cooking over a campfire, cutting wood, and just the smoke and bug sprays leaves you a much less desirable person to be around from an intimacy point of view. No matter how amorous you might feel, the Hollywood movie version of an idyllic and loving camping trip or nature walk are unlikely to happen unless you take care of basic sanitation necessities. So there are a few recommendations. Wash up thoroughly before bedtime. When roughing it in the bush, take a container of 'wet wipes' with you to help keep yourself sanitary in your nether regions.

Solution: Wash As Much As Possible

There are ways around this pitfall, of course. In many national parks, or even state level parks, there are usually shower facilities. Of course this does not help you if you are on an overnight trip on a backpacking trail and miles away from a shower. Going during off peak hours – like after midnight – is a way avoid facility overload. Sneak in there together, and get dirty after you’ve got clean. An added bonus is that the sound of the shower will mask most modest sex noises, and will provide easy clean-up when you’ve finished. Be prepared for some quizzical and accusing looks if there are people waiting for the shower when the two of you exit. Odds are you’ll still be in post-coital bliss, so you won’t mind much.

Problem:  Privacy

It doesn’t take an acoustics engineer to realize that the millimeter of nylon that comprises your tent wall won’t do much to keep your sex noises private. And since sound travels so well over water, even people on the other side of the lake will be able to hear what you sound like when you’re trying the Inverted Reverse Pile-driver. Even worse, if you’ve gone camping with friends and their kids, there are going to be a lot of questions in the morning about the strange noises they’ve heard.

 Solution: Long Nature Treks

This one works like a charm, as long as you remember some basic safety tips. First, don’t go where there are bears. They can kill the mood and you’re partner. Second, don’t go at night – finding your way back in the dark when you’re brain has been scrambled by some hot sex is too difficult. Third, bring a blanket for comfort and to keep from getting grass and sand from getting in your various hairy parts. You should also let your camping buddies know where you are going in case you do not come back.  If you do not turn up on time because you just got too caught up in sex, then they can send the Rangers looking for you.

So this summer, enjoy copious, carefree, camping coitus carefully!

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