Take Your Hands Off Me

A while back, I found myself all on my own again, when my husband, and father of my 2 children, left us. For the next while, after finding a job, I had to work every day and look after my kids as best possible. Needless to say, my social life was non-existent. I had two good friends in similar circumstances who helped me through this period. We often visited each other and talked about various things. One favourite topic of conversation was our dream man. Of course we didn't really expect to meet our “Mr Perfect” anytime soon.

An acquaintance of mine suggested one day that I try out a new dating site that she had just heard about. I'll call it, “MEN-R-US” to avoid any liability issues so I went online to give it a go. I met this moron, I mean male the first night on the site, he was quite comical, seemed like he had a head on his shoulders, and had a decent vocabulary. As we chatted with each other over a few weeks, I let him know that I had not been with a man in quite a while, and needed to take things slow. I let him know upfront that I had two children because I wanted to be honest with him from the start, he informed me that he also had a child so it was no problem because he loved children. He said that he loved kids and that being with his son was the biggest joy in his life. With everything looking positive and no negatives from what I could see, I decided that it it would be okay to go out on a date with him.

Well on the evening of our date I ran around like headless chicken picking out clothes, picking up one of my friends who was going to babysit, getting my hair done (you know the whole nine yards thing) just to look my best for this hunk, at least that’s how he looked in his profile photo. My friend told me to calm down before I hyperventilated, she told me to try not to look too needy or I would scare him off.  “Oh my god if only that had been true!” In any event, I finally calmed down by going outside to wait for him. Finally there he was! I eagerly rushed forward to set my eyes on the incredible body, great hair, and green eyes. When I bent down to say hello and open the car door I realized I had made a mistake, it wasn’t him! I thought, “please god tell me its not him!” But unfortunately to my horror it was. I was so stunned that I just stood there like a dumb mute. Not knowing what else to do, I silently got into the car.

Well, at least it was not all bad. The rug on his head looked like it was skinned from the hind end of a labrador retriever, and I like labrador retrievers. He must have posted a picture of someone else. He did not even begin to look like his online picture.  He didn't have any hair!  He was waring some kind of toupee and I think it was on backwards or inside out or something. He did not have green eyes like his picture. They were bloodshot, dark, and somewhat shifty. He did not have the well toned muscles either. He looked like he had not seen the inside of a gym since high school (if he got that far) and about the only exercise he had gotten in the last five years hoisting drinks in a bar He told me he was taking me to a top notch restaurant. As we pulled up to the “Pig And Trough”.  I prayed that no one I knew would see me with this dork, not just for my own sake but because I did not think my children could ever live it down.

We were placed in a corner table.. Actually it didn't look too bad on the inside. We ordered our meal of fish and sweet potato fries. He kept trying to cop a feel of just about every part of my body within reach. I gradually inched my chair back away from the table in self defence. He made a comment about how he liked women like me because we had not been with a real man in so long that we were desperate for sex. I politely told him if I wanted to be with a real man I would not be here with him. I have to give the guy points for persistence. After slapping his had off of me a few more times he asked be to dance. Always the gracious lady, I said yes. What was I thinking? Once again, I had to keep removing his hands from various parts of my anatomy. I guess to show me what a great catch he was he decided to show off his dancing prowess. He spun me around so fast that my hand slipped out of his and I went flying into the bar and hurt myself. Well that was about all I could take. I stormed out of the restaurant and caught a cab outside to the hospital. I was lucky that my broken nose set almost straight. In any event it is a constant reminder that I need to be more careful.

That was the last time I took dating advice from anybody. I decided that I was going to spend more time making sure that any sites that I used were legitimate before joining them.


During my site research, I found the following link, and it made it easy for me to select sites that were the best for me.:

Personals Online

Toilet Wars – Century Three

You will not be very long into a relationship before you have to confront one of the biggest conundrums since the invention of the flush toilet. Seat Up, or Seat Down!  Now before the invention of the flush toilet, people used to have only two ways of handling nature call. The outhouse (or privy), and the chamber pot. Usage of the outhouse was generally restricted to daylight hours. The chamber pot was used at night so that you did not have to brave the outside weather just to relieve yourself. One good thing about chamber pots was that no thinking person ever left the lid off. Those things reeked! Outhouses ruled the landscapes of North America for about four hundred years.  The modern outhouse that you see on construction sites is called the port-a-pottie. Please do not confuse these with the traditional outhouse. Port-a-Potties have all of the issues that modern toilets have with respect to the seat up / seat down issue. I digress.

The core design of an outhouse was essentially the same everywhere. The building was about the size of a modern powder room. Inside was an enclosed bench about thirty six inches high, with a hole perfectly sized to fit your butt. Often well sanded to eliminate splinters. Children usually used to have to use a stool to reach, so one was usually left inside for that purpose.

All privies had at least one mail order catalog inside.. It not only supplied reading material, but when you were finished it was the toilet paper of choice for most of North America .

Of course there was a couple of variations of the privy for the more well to do. These designs typically featured a longer bench with two holes cut in it, often called the two-holer for short. For younger families, the second hole was usually cut child sized, and there was a couple of steps in front of it. As the children grew up, the second hole was usually enlarged and the steps removed.. Men were usually relegated to the left hole, and women to the right as you entered the door. Nobody knows where this standard came from, it was just the way it was.

The brilliance of the standard outhouse design was often un-remarked. It was the fact that the bench top was about thirty six inches off the floor. This pretty much eliminated any splatter caused by men urinating. This more than offset the inconvenience of having to use a stool for children and when sitting. This inherent splatter free design would be a boon for modern bathrooms.

John Harrington (later knighted to Sir John Harrington) was the person who invented the first water closet as he called them. This forerunner of the modern flush toilet was installed in the royal palace for his god mother, Queen Elizabeth 1. The phrase 'going to the john' quickly found its way into the normal English culture. The original design of Sir John was used for about 75 years. In the middle of the 18 hundreds, a man named Thomas Crapper made several distinct improvements to the design. He managed to get quite wealthy, although never knighted. To this day his name is immortalized in the expression 'going to the crapper'. (Incidentally, there was never anyone named 'Sir John Crapper' which appears to be an Urban Myth caused by muddling the names of these two innovators together.)

It is unfortunate that the modern flush toilet is the instigator of so much strife in male-female relationships, because this very appliance was truly the most significant contributor to the wide spread improvements in health achieved in the last century or so. As more houses in North America and Europe converted to indoor plumbing, there was an equivalent rise in life expectancy. The biggest design flaw is the low height. The American standard toilet is thirty inches tall. Although this is an ideal height for most sitting operations, this is a much less than ideal height for most standing operations. Because of this poor choice of vertical dimension, they tried to solve the problem by making the bowl bigger around to minimize splatter issues caused by standers. Unfortunately, increasing the size of the bowl made it so big that you could literally fall into the john. Something had to be done!. So to solve this side effect of trying to solve the design adjustment of a bad height dimension, they designed the flip up toilet bowl seat. The idea was to put an outhouse sized hole on top of the bowl that flipped up for standers so that they would not pee all over the seat! Women all over North America and Great Britain took to the streets and cheered!!

The upshot of all these small design changes was the introduction to society of a controversy as to whether the seat should be left up or down when finished. This has turned into a male versus female battle royal that is unlikely to ever see a resolution any time soon, if ever. As you can plainly see, a poor choice of height in the initial design of the toilet has lead to a series of adjustments that are only fixing the symptom of the problem and not addressing the true cause.

From the guys perspective, lifting the less than sanitary toilet seat with your hand and then immediately touching your private parts is not the most sanitary thing to do. (Most women reading this do not believe for a minute that men actually think about such things, but lets try to take the high road here for a bit). Men have been conditioned to be more pragmatic. Whatever position the seat is in, they move it to the desireable position for what they have to do themselves.  When done, men will usually leave the seat in the last position that they used it. Because men will urinate about 4 times for every sitting operation, there is an 80% chance that the seat is in the correct position for the next man to use.  Men never complain about the seat being in the wrong position. They just accept the fact that a lot of the time it is in the right position, and sometimes it is not. One big difference between men and women is nighttime behavior. When a man gets up to use the toilet in the middle of the night, they turn on the light. It is an absolute necessity. Because they can now see what they are doing, there are never issues involving falling into the toilet.

If a woman follows a woman into the bathroom, the seat is always in the correct position because women only ever use a seat down. If a woman follows a man into a bathroom, way more often than not, the seat is in the wrong position. If a woman wakes up in the middle of the night with an urge to urinate, they will often use the bathroom with the light off so they do not have to become fully awake. Because of this they are a lot more prone to falling into toilets with raised seats touring the wee-wee hours of the night. Since men always have the light on, there are seldom any traumatic incidents with them.

Up to this point, we have covered the root cause of the problem, and why it is that men and women feel so strongly about their opposing positions.

Now you are wondering why it is that nobody is doing anything about fixing the toilets. Well people have tried everything from self cleaning toilet seats that cannot be flipped up, to toilet seats that automatically lower with each flush. None of these have ever been widely adopted, mainly because of the expense. But a major contributing factor to the failure was that these were only dealing with the symptom of the problem, and not actually fixing the fundamental source of the problem. Most women are sneaky about how they deal with this. They paint the guest powder room shocking pink, and then force the men of the household to use that exclusively.

To my way of thinking, the best answer to the answer is 'When in Rome, do as the Roman's do'. When you are a guy and at her place, just be sure to put the seat down. If you are a woman at his place, then just take it on the chin. Whether the seat is up or down, just put it in the down position and be done with it. When you finish, walk out and leave the seat down. Unlike women, real men never complain about the position that they find the seat in. They just deal with it, do their thing, and move on. Men only complain when faced with complaints directed at them.

So the long and short of it is, to quit carping!
Relationships should be built on love, not crap!




For more male relationship advice:
http://www.top100datingpersonals.com/advice_for_men.php


For more advice on female relationships http//www.top100datingpersonals.com/advice_for_women.php

The Best Gift for a Single Father

It that time of the year when most women have been thinking about their parents for a while.

Is there something that you could give a gift to besides your immediate parents? 

Lets look outside of your immediate family and broaden your sights to include your immediate circle of friends.

Is there a single father that you know who is so tied up with his kids that he never seems to get a chance to get out on his own? Almost every woman has at least one. A great guy who just does not have the time, inclination or money to do the bar scene anymore looking for action. In other words, a great husband for the right woman.

So are you getting excited about trying your hand at matchmaking yet?

But you cannot act on your urge because you have run out of contacts to set him up with.

So why not try a significantly different approach that will achieve the same objective?

A situation where he can select the next person to go out with!
A gift that gives him an opportunity to communicate with lots of women who may want to be a mother to his children!
A gift that helps him seek company by communicating with women who are not the paid telephone chat-line bimbos that you see in TV advertising!

Seems hard to believe? Well it is as easy as signing him up to an online dating site.

Unfortunately you have heard how unsuccessful many men are at finding someone on an online dating site. What most men do not know though is that the reason they are unsuccessful is that men are just generally really bad at understanding what it is about them that women find attractive!

Enter you!

The perfect gift for your single dad friend would be to purchase him a membership to an online dating site.  To add a personal touch, you create the account for them. Set up the profile, select a few of those great pictures that you have of him enjoying himself with friends, and then write up profile text that would make any woman weep with joy to read.

After all, only a woman knows how to truly reach the soul of another woman.

So throw your friend a bone.

Spend a few bucks, and a few minutes to set him up with the gift of a lifetime. Help him find a new life partner.

It is truly the ultimate gift!

For a way to get started, check out this link for ideas of the best online dating sites to select from:

Online Dating Sites