Horny As Hell

You have no idea what desperation is until you saw how horny I was a while back. I had divorced from my husband a couple of years before and I had not been with a man. Hell, I had hardly been around a man at all!  God help me, one day I found myself eyeing my 250 pound car mechanic speculatively. I was not just regular horny, I was desperately horny.

For the last couple of years, I had been splitting my time between looking after my young daughter and my job. Notice that I did not say career. Working at Walmart is not a career, no matter how the management their try to dress it up.  I had been counting the days until she started to attend school full time. At least now I had a couple of afternoons a week to myself.  There was only one problem. All my free time tended to happen during a couple of split days in the middle of the week.  Needless to say, I had no chance at all of prowling the bars and clubs on Saturday night looking to score some action like I used to before I was married. What a drag!

In the previous month's time frame, I had gone through a box of batteries on just my vibrator alone.  It helped, but it did nothing to assuage your satisfaction. The feeling is not at all what you get when you are copulating with a hot, sweaty male. That is what the human body was engineered for, and I was not getting to take advantage of it. I was not doing what God intended! The best example I can think of for showing the difference is like sitting at home with a Kraft macaroni and cheese to eat rather than going to a posh 5 star eatery. Keeps you going, but does nothing for your soul. When I found myself looking at the neighbors Labrador retriever and wondering, I knew that I had crossed the line. I realized that I was no longer going insane, I was insane.  Like Chinese water torture, the sex deprivation had been chipping away at me for two years, and I had lost!

In my efforts to find someone, I finally fired up my trusty computer and started looking on the Internet. The Internet would not have been my first choice, but for the love of me I could not think of a single place to meet men during the week days. Coffee klatches are great for meeting women like myself, but most of those places never have any men.. Even though I might be able to meet some retired guys, my objective was to have some mutual satisfying sex. I did not want to risk having their heart stop in the middle of a marathon sexual orgy with me. PTA, clubs or bars are all after dinner events. There is really no place to meet men during the day. Ergo Internet!

I figured that I needed to be on some form of dating site, but which one? There were thousands of them. Page after page on google search results if you type in dating. Eharmony and Match were flooding the television channels with commercials every day, but who believes everything that they see on tv? Besides, they both stress dating and long term relationships, and I was not going there yet. I needed a quick sex fix, and I wanted to get some variety before I decided to settle down again with just one guy. I found out about POF.com (formerly plentyoffish) but I saw good and bad reviews of almost every dating site I could find. I was kind of lost. I stumbled on a couple of sites that rated other dating sites, but one in particular also had a lot of dating advice as well. They were kind of sketchy as to what their criteria was, but since I was in no position to second guess them, I ended up joining a few of the sites that they recommended.

Interestingly enough, POF and eharmony are not in their recommended sites. Match is. Much to my surprise, I was what was often referred to as a MILF!  I will not translate http://www.top100datingpersonals.com/MILFdating.php 
MILF to you because it is kind of an uncouth term, but if you join a MILF site, the men on it are usually okay that you have a kid.  Needless to say, I joined several of the sites on their MILF page.

I was surprised at the numbers of emails I was bombarded with. I am only an average looking woman to my mind, but I had men offering to date me on their first email to me.  What a rush!  Mind you, a lot of these guys were neanderthals. Took me a lot to block all the a$$holes but I managed to kill most of them. That left me with a bunch of fairly sincere guys to chose from. Because I was looking for something casual at this point in time, I focussed on the guys who were interested in companionship, and not necessarily looking for a permanent life partner. Why would I want to go from one exclusive relationship, suffer through two years of doldrums and then just settle for the first guy who comes along. I wanted some choice, and that meant that I needed to date more than one guy, preferably a lot of guys. This Mama wanted some sugar!

That same reference site I talked about earlier also had a ton of articles about the dos and don'ts of Internet dating. I learned not to blab any personal information until I was really sure about the party I was talking to. So I kept cool, secretive and safe. Not at all like the horny sex mad time-bomb ready to explode. It did not take me too long to find four men who could accommodate my afternoon only schedule. Two of them had jobs where they worked the weekend, so they had days off in the middle of the week as well. One was working in traveling sales and often found himself in my town in the middle of the week. The other was between jobs. Since I was only in it for the sex, I was only concerned if they were clean, healthy, had a good sex drive, and were disease free. I was in no way interested in a long term live in relationship with any of them. I just wanted my itch scratched, and scratched, and scratched … you get the drift here I'm sure.

Since I would always be meeting them in the middle of the afternoon, it was inherently safer than meeting at night. Still the same, I met each of them separately in crowded public places so I could get a better handle on them. You have no idea how hard it was for me to get through two or three dates each without rushing somewhere and ripping off their clothes. I did however, remember the warnings from the site and took my time.  The out of work guy and the salesman were not my cup of tea. I did not have anything in common with either of them, and really felt no emotional bond with them. In my books, no spark, no action, so I culled them from my small herd. The remaining pair are part of my weekly schedule now. I always meet one on Tuesday and I always meet the other on Thursday. Each of them are consummate lovers, so the sex is amazing! It would seem that two is all the variety I need. For now!

This all started about 5 months ago, and now that I have my sex urges under control, I am looking for a more permanent relationship. With the two in the bag that I have, I can now take my time and find the right person. At least now I can look for guys who are available at regular times. I am more interested in the long term dating and long term prospects angle on this search. Please wish me luck!

If you are curious about the site I used to find all the dating sites you can find it here:


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