Monday, August 15, 2011

Take Your Bananas And Go


I sort of fell into communicating with a guy online for a couple of months because my best friend gave him my messenger address. We then decided to meet in person one Friday afternoon and go out for a nice lunch. You know to get to know each other and break the ice so to speak. He lived quite some distance from me, but agreed to meet me on my turf. I was rather shocked when my much anticipated date shows up in this old junker truck!

I greeted him at the door and was completely underwhelmed to say the least. He looked like he had just crawled out from under his truck, and apparently that is what had happened. His truck had broken down, and not wanting to be late he decided not to change after fixing it. He insisted that I drive, and when I got in and saw a gaping hole in the passenger floor boards, I understood why.

We went to a small Chinese buffet for lunch. It was nice and the food was very good. I was starting to become impressed, but that did not last too long.  After telling me how nice I looked, always nice to hear, he proceeded to tell me that he only had two toes on one foot (like I really gave a shit) and how he had lost them as a child playing with his father's rifle. He said that he had told me that he had a job so that I would not think him a loser. He said he was about to lose his house that I found out wasn't a house at all but a friend's garage. Then this loser started to blubber that he had nothing. No job, no prospects and he knew that he was not good looking. He was so annoying it was pathetic. What could I do but just pat his hand and tell him to be patient that there is someone out there for him and that things will work out for him eventually. I felt obligated to pay for lunch, and we went back to my apartment.

He told me he had a gift for me in the truck and said he hoped that yellow was my favorite color. I told him it was and he seemed pleased as he raced away. I stood there wondering what in the world could he have bought me that was yellow. Well I soon found out. He came back with some ripe bananas for crying out loud. I was stunned!. At this point I was informed that since he had too much to drink, he would have to spend the night. Holy cow! I tried to push him out the door. I could not budge him so I did the only thing I could do. I attacked him with my bananas, hurling them at him until he backed up into the hall, then I slammed the door! He continued pounding on my door saying let me in. I told him to pack up his bananas, especially the one in his pants and leave, or I would call the cops. Thank God he left. Go to fullsize image


It was the most expensive date I have ever been on. I had to move and change all my personal online information. My friends never give out my personal information anymore.

I am going to try an online dating site. They guarantee anonymity. Hopefully the guys their can come up with something other than just their bananas to keep me happy.

Online Dating Sites

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